A newborn wakes up in the middle of the night and from sheer hunger, shrieks a shrill cry that awakens the entire house. Father comes running into the room with the hopes that the bottle in hand will satiate what his distressed child needs. Little does the father know, but in addition to the sustenance provided by the bottle, the newborn needed his father as badly. This moment between father and son communicates that the world is safe and the relationship that exists between...
Last week we talked about the pain that can come from violations of love and trustworthiness. When there have been violations of love and trust, we tend to respond in a certain way. Those responses can have lasting impact on our loved ones - primarily our spouses. What is important to remember is that we are responsible for our own "stuff." We cannot expect our spouse to fix what we feel like is wrong about us. Nor can they expect the same from us. Looking at our...
The title of this blog may seem somewhat counterintuitive for a marriage blog. The aim of this post is to consider the role of the individual in marriage. Transformation and growth are what we are called to in marriage - not only as a marital unit, but also as individuals. After all on judgment day, we will not be able to plead on behalf of our spouse. We - as individuals are responsible for our own transformative walk with Christ. The concept of the pain cycle is just that...
Right not the world is in the midst of one of the biggest sporting competitions ever. The Olympics are a celebration of years upon years of hard work and dedication to a passion that has been bred into thousands of individuals from around the world. One of the core values for these individuals is their ability to compete - interestingly in the majority of the interviews after having won a medal, athletes make a comment about how they considered it an honor to compete as part of United...
As human beings we are created with the intention that we be relational. We were born into this world as part of a dyad between our mothers and us. We are immediately swept away into the arms of a loving nurse. From the moment we take our first breath, relationships are part of who we are. The notion of the Reciprocating Self was discussed in a post a few weeks ago. In a nutshell, the RS the interplay between us, others, and ultimately God is what makes us who we are. The...
The concept of being a good communicator is at the heart of what most people would consider to make a good marriage. But whether we are honest in admitting it or not, communication is a difficult concept. The ability to communicate is often affected by family of origin, personal life experiences, context, and a myriad of other factors that make it difficult to define and even begin to consider how to improve on this so called cornerstone of marriage. One of the complications...
Imagine you walk into a North African village that is nothing but dirt roads and grass huts. You meet a man who walks you to the house of the villages diviner (a diviner is the man in the village who is known to have spiritual powers). As you walk in his hut, his wives and their children welcome you. They pour tea and invite you to have a seat. The smells and scene looks like it came out of you wildest dream about an African culture. What would you ask him?
A...
Happy 4th of July!
This is one of the days in our country when we tend to resort most primitively to traditions. We may not like hot dogs, but for whatever reason we eat one. We may not particularly like to go to baseball games, but we find ourselves craving the 7th inning stretch. Today we celebrate what it means to be in the land of the free and the home of the brave.
There have been many a men and women go to excessive lengths to see the freedom...
Going in to marriage no one ever talks about how difficult it will be to continue living the life you always had before. Please understand that I am not attempting to whine about how I wish I had my old life back and that everything I used to do before I got marriage is what I long for at the end of the day. What I am saying is that the parts of myself that I always was able to keep to myself and not open up to anyone, those parts are coming out.
There was a childhood...
There are many instances in my life when I have had to sacrifice the happy moments for the moments that I was obligated to do something not so happy. I can remember so many moments of my single life when I found myself in the midst of a crowd of people and the only thing I could think about was how lonely I felt. The concept of being known and knowing someone else was one I always thought would be more than just a powerful romantic ideal, but a joy filled opportunity to have some...